An 80-year-old man went to his doctor...

An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up. The doctor asked him how he was feeling and the 80-year-old said, "Things are great and I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that?"

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began. "I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was setting off hunting, he was in a bit of a hurry and accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. As he neared a lake he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge. He realized he'd left his gun at home and so couldn't shoot the magnificent creature but out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang,bang'. Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. Now, what do you think of that?" asked the doctor.

The 80-year-old said, "If you ask me, I'd say somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."

The doctor replied, "My point exactly".

I don't care who ya are.. That's funny Right there!

I haven't written very much in my blog lately. I mainly blame my absence of blog entries on my laziness and the weather. It has been so nice here in Northern California that I have been spending most of my time outdoors. It's not that exciting things haven't been happening around here, I just haven't taken the time to write about them.

Just for kicks; I will pretend that you are all interested in what's going on in my life and I will give you a quick update on some of my many personalities.

THE NERD ME:
I've been building a PLC Trainer. I'm creating a Working demonstration model of a Modicon Compact a984-145 Programmable Logic Controller. I will use this to teach people how to setup, install, and program PLC's. I will also teach people whom are interested how to write programs in Ladder Logic. I'm not going to bore you with the details of what PLC's Are. I'll just say that they play a very important rule in Industrial Automation and Controls. If you want to know more... just ask, and I doubt that you will :-)

THE REDNECK ME:
So, Wednesday, I took my wife out to Dinner and we played some slots at the casino. Thursday morning the weather was so nice that I spent the first half of the day playing around outside, drinking beer and cleaning up the yard and so on.
Well, then I get a call, and a few friends want me to meet them at the casino. I told them that I didn't really want to go because I had just spent several hours out there last night and I've been drinking beer all day so I've already polished off a 12 pack. I do not like to go out with friends after drinking all day because they always try to bring on a drinking contest and I have a major disadvantage when I'm already drunk before we get there. See my logic?
Several hours later...
So there we are, seven or eight of us piled around a table in the bar at the casino. We have been cut off several times (Casino's don't like loud drunks). I've now consumed the 12 pack at home plus four more beers, three coma cozies, one alabama slammer, one strait shot of tequila , and then... I don't remember what I had after that.
I didn't get a hangover, and I didn't get sick, but I still have some regrets. One of them being that I whipped it out in the parking lot and took a leak, um... and apparently this was spotted on surveillance, because we were approached by a security officer with no since of humor what so ever. We handled the situation in a professional matter, we told him "were sorry and we won't do it again ossifur" as we piled in the car and drove away. NO I WASN'T DRIVING!

THE MR. NICE GUY ME:
I have a CB friend whom lives in a small place a few miles away. He uses wood heat, and he had mentioned that he was running low on wood. Actually, he had plenty of wood because I gave him a bunch and dropped it off at his place, oh, and I stacked it for him too. But he told me that some of it was cut too long to fit in his wood stove. Poor guy!
Being the "nice guy" that I am, I loaded the chainsaw in to the back of my Jeep and went over and cut some wood for him. Now, just as I had finished the job, he comes trotting out of his house with a chainsaw just like mine and fires it up! Umm, and he needed me because?
I didn't say anything, but I had a chuckle on the way home, for some reason I find that incredibly funny, if you knew this guy then you would too!
BTW: (If you travel with a chainsaw... You might be a redneck) <--Not so funny, but fact!

THE MR. NICE GUY ME: X2
Last night, a friend of mine called me up at 1:36 in the morning and asked me if I would help him pull his daughters car out of a ditch. No problem, I said. When I arrived at the scene it turned out that she had totaled the car, it wasn't stuck in the mud, it was stuck nose first in the side of an embankment, ha!
Nobody was hurt, other then some scuffs and scrapes, the duel airbags fired like a charm.
So, here it comes again... Being the "nice guy" that I am, I towed it back to my place and it is sitting on the back side of my property. Actually, it's setting very close to my redneck burn pile. I'm not sure what he plans on doing with it yet, anybody want a totaled Honda?
Maybe I'll post a picture of it here in the blog.

Well, it's 5:30 in the morning. I haven't been to sleep yet and I'm falling asleep at the keyboard. I've already written too much, so much that you will not likely read this far down anyway so I can probably say anything that I want about your mother and you would never know it because you probably stopped reading way back at the first few lines of PLC talk.

I'm out!

John