What happened to John?

I know what your all thinking, my millions of faithful readers and fans.

You have been wondering... What happened to John? He hasn't posted in his blog for over a week! Did he win big in Reno and is he sitting on a beach in the Bahamas right now sipping on UM.. Budweiser?

Well I'm back, and now as you are reading this you are thinking to yourselves... How does he do that, is he a mind reader? My answer to that is Yep, I've got that ESPN thing going on.

I've been out for a week or two because my step father passed away. This may not sound very good but I'm going to say it because I'm not in to being a fake. Personally knowing that he is gone is a bit of a relief to me. It's a relief to know that he is no longer suffering as he had been for the past few years. It's hard to watch someone suffer and it's even harder when there is nothing that you can do to help. I'm glad that he is no longer in pain.
I'm left with a little guilt because I didn't visit with him nearly as much as I should have near the end but I'm trying to let go of that guilt because I feel that I had good reason for not doing so.
For one, it was too hard to see him in that condition and I also didn't want to have to go through this all over again since I went through it last year with my dad. Now that I put that in to words it sounds kind of selfish on my part. It was easier on me this time then it was last year when my dad passed away because we knew that this was coming for a long time, we had the time to say goodbye. Man that's tough, I loved im a lot. Still do!

Last year when my Dad passed away I had no warning at all. We were removing brush from his front yard that morning and I left to take my son home and go out to look at some property that we were buying. A short while later I was notified, it was a heart attack. I didn't get to say goodbye and there is a ton of guilt for not staying and finishing the job with him. So much guilt that I'm going to stop talking about it because it will just bring you (my millions and millions) of readers down.

It is easier on the person when they go suddenly and without warning like my dad went, however, it is far harder on the family because nobody gets to say goodbye. Here goes my selfishness again... I hope to go fast and unknowing, preferably in my sleep when the time comes. My kids will hopefully feel a strike but then move on with their lives.

Okay enough of the depressing talk...
My good luck streak is still on. I think it has a whole lot to do with how you look at life. If you look at life with your glass half full then things will seem to be going your way. I'm enjoying not paying so much attention to the negative things in life.

On a positive note:
I'm always trying to figure out ways of connecting with my son Brian. I think to myself... I could buy him and I a bow and arrow set and we could practice together on the property. Or perhaps I should buy us dirt bikes and we could ride together. I've even thought about buying him a gun (of course under controlled circumstances) and we could go to the shooting range together. Well It turned out easier and far less expensive then I thought. For the past few days we have been going through boxes in the shed cleaning it out so that we can put together a workshop. We both have really enjoyed doing this usually dreadful task. We have been talking and going through boxes of my tools and such. I'll pull out a strange tool and he will ask what it is and I will explain to him what that tool is used for. I'm enjoying this one on one time with him and I know that he is enjoying it also because I see how anxious he is to start sorting boxes as soon as he gets home from school.
I can't wait to get the welder hooked back up so that I can teach him to weld and cut.

Anyway.. It's 6:45 in the morning and I still haven't been to sleep yet and I have to work today so If I'm lucky I will get a few hours sleep and then I will head that way.

Night!